...i've already tried all that.

yesterday was tough. really tough. im feeling better today. hopefully nothing will trigger the same sort of situation as yesterday though. cause i cant really handle that again. i think the problem is that i have lots and lots of issues to deal with. lots of disappointment in people and feelings of betrayal and all sorts of things...but i never really process them after they happen. i have the initial reaction of sadness and pain. then i stop my tears very abruptly...tell myself not to cry about it anymore cause next time i'll just be tougher/smarter about it. and move on. then i'll have flashbacks randomly...and one flashback leads to another...until its all i can tihnk about. and everything together is just so sad. event after event of people i trust and love and would do anything for...hurting me.

then i ALWAYS feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself, and that makes it worse. its a vicious cycle i tell ya.

but today im better. and tomorrow might be even better than today. crossing my fingers.

you know what?

i like the word "Ragamuffin."

ah the list.

ive got to add U.S. Open champion Maria Sharapova to my list of women *to do*. (yeah i have that list too Catherine;-) )

oh and speaking of "catherine"....Katharine Mcphee would be number one, in case youre wondering. *sigh*

im listening to this now. music is my medicine, oxygen, poison...everything.

dogs shouldnt wear dresses.

She burns!

just listening to "what it is to burn" by Finch and doin the whole air guitar thing. thought id start another blog that was more personal. not sure what will become of it or if i'll even post here often...but you never know. this is for my homies who've known me for years. and for myself. cause i like to talk to myself. and its for my new homies.

i like to type. i like to say whatevers on my mind. so theres a good chance i'll post on it several times a day and you'll get REALLy tired of me.

i reserve the right to be as weird and silly on here as i want.

its my blog and i'll cry if i want to!