...i've already tried all that.

yesterday was tough. really tough. im feeling better today. hopefully nothing will trigger the same sort of situation as yesterday though. cause i cant really handle that again. i think the problem is that i have lots and lots of issues to deal with. lots of disappointment in people and feelings of betrayal and all sorts of things...but i never really process them after they happen. i have the initial reaction of sadness and pain. then i stop my tears very abruptly...tell myself not to cry about it anymore cause next time i'll just be tougher/smarter about it. and move on. then i'll have flashbacks randomly...and one flashback leads to another...until its all i can tihnk about. and everything together is just so sad. event after event of people i trust and love and would do anything for...hurting me.

then i ALWAYS feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself, and that makes it worse. its a vicious cycle i tell ya.

but today im better. and tomorrow might be even better than today. crossing my fingers.